(wow. we are really bad at this regular posting thing... sorry about that.)
I have my own fair share of qualms about my appearance from the fact that the bridge of my nose in verging on the aquiline to my short blonde eyelashes that sometimes appear to be playing hide and seek to my lack of that much sought after (pffff. whateverrrr.) 3 finger thigh gap. If i am honest, sometimes i can look at my reflection and sometimes i can't bring myself to. Sometimes i pinch and squeeze my body, scrutinising every inch, looking for another imperfection to add to the list. Sometimes i make lists of things i could do to change how i look. But sometimes i just don't give a shit.
It comes in waves, this self-criticism. The intensity of it fluctuates between overwhelming and negligible. Sometimes it thumps me in the stomach like a stone and sometimes it just tugs at my wrist like an impatient child, willing its parent to stop gossiping in the middle of the street (in my experience, usually just 'good morning' is enough- why people insist on recounting their entire life story on the pavement will never cease to amaze me!).
Unfortunately i am more than aware that this experience is not uncommon. That there are hundreds of thousands of people (male and female alike) who feel this way, some more violently than me and some less. I am pretty much certain that almost everyone has felt their body is inadequate at some point in their lives- even if it was just for a split second. And it is in the name of all of these people and their self esteem that every day i encounter hundreds of examples of "every one is beautiful" propaganda...
I don't want to sound bitter BUT personally i can't wait for this fad to simmer down. I'm sure it does bolster some people's self confidence and really, truly make them feel wonderful again, empowered and gorgeous. But, honestly, is that what we want?
I don't mean to say that i don't want everyone to be confident and content with their bodies, because i do, but i do also feel that this gets so much exposure and is given so much importance over other, more valuable, things.
I read so many things discussing how we should feel about our bodies, what we should do with them and how we should use them, when a) it really is nobody's business and b) i'd rather read about how i should use my mind and my voice and my words. I am so bored of listening to people ramble on about how feminism is about loving how i look and appreciating that i am beautiful. It's not. It's much bigger than that.
Dove shouldn't be telling you that you are beautiful and that is why you should be happy. The online articles shouldn't be proclaiming that they have found a 'shocking 15 sexy celebrities that prove the thigh gap is overrated' (because, shock horror, some guys still want to shag them even though their thighs touch- thank fuck for that). People should not be told that being thin doesn't matter because you can still be beautiful without it (phew.), they should be being told that being thin doesn't matter because there are much more important things to be thinking about. Where is the motivational post that says "acne? who cares? You're the next Frida Kahlo.", "flat chested? fuck it. you need somewhere to stack your books!" or even something as simple as "having a thigh gap does not affect your IQ."
Shouldn't we be telling teenagers (and adults too) that their biggest assets are not their figure, face or clothes, but rather their potential? Shouldn't we be promoting confidence across the board rather than just about the body?
Being proud and happy with your body IS important but so are so many other things that are overlooked by the media as well as by friends and family. Maybe if we stop paying so much attention to the body and how it should/shouldn't look/be perceived, we might encourage others to do the same. Recognising other qualities other than appearance and nurturing a prevalence of these over 'beauty', is, to me, what feminism should be about. Every one is beautiful. But they also tend to be funny, clever, interesting, talented, musical, inspiring, angry, political, creative, good at crosswords, brilliant bakers, clean, organised, messy, have good balance, sporty, lively, sassy, witty, aware etc etc... you get the idea.
But don't get me wrong! I don't mean to belittle lacking in body-confidence! What i am saying is that surely taking the emphasis off beauty, making it not seem to matter so much, making it into just something that you are rather than something that you must strive for, could help people recognise that they are more than just the sum of their parts and value their bodies as the vessels for all their other qualities? Every time someone tells me that i am still beautiful without a thigh gap, all i can think is "still?". All that i hear is that being "beautiful" is still the important thing and should still be my focus. That it is the fact that i am a "beautiful" that gives me my worth, that should inspire my confidence. That i should be happy to walk along in public because "don't worry, you are beautiful" not because i am a human being, or because i am intelligent, or because i have as much right to the pavement as any one else. It can be lovely when someone tells you you are beautiful, as long as it doesn't feel like that is all you are- that your beauty is the be all and end all of your existence.
All we need to do is make sure that there is as much a focus on reminding people of all of their other qualities as there is on their physical appearance, if not more.
If i am honest, i'd rather be told that i'm interesting or funny or clever, than that i am pretty. it's boring, it's predictable and it makes me feel like everything else that i am is nothing in comparison to the size of my thighs.
vida
x
